Posts by bboyneko 2

How to Get Rid of Jehovah Witnesses
--When you open the door and there's one there saying, "hello, I'm
collecting for the Jehovah's witnesses...", interrupt them and say,
"Great, I'm Jehovah. How much have we made so far?"
--A chalk outline of a human body on the sidewalk, and a few copies of
The Watchtower scattered around...
--My mother (a second-generation atheist) used to say (in a very sweet
voice): "I'm sorry, I don't give a damn about Jesus." Worked everytime.
The Witnesses just backed off the porch in slack-jawed, bug-eyed
disbelief.
--Agreed, we are not prepared for this one, but it has to be carried off perfectly. The more sincere you appear, the more baffled the Witness will be: Answer the door with an automatic weapon and say "Allah be Praised!!!" and just see what happens.
--Automatic weapons are undeniably the best deterrent to Witnesses. For extra effect, fire a few rounds into the air or towards their car.
Pretend you hear a voice inside your head telling you to kill the witness. Guaranteed to stop future visits for several years.
--The young couple came to my door. I was wearing my robe, and had just awakened. Now let me explain, I am a very unusual looking person
anyway, but when I awake, I look like some kind of movie monster, I have hair all over everywhere. I made my eyes real piercing, and stared past them. I knew who they were, you can tell, they look so cute in their getup and their bland faces.Well the female one obviously is supposed to do the introduction because she sort of panicked, and said: "We're...we're...we're..we're....we're...." And then she stared helplessly at the other one and he said: "uh... uh.... uh... uh..."I then did a really fierce grin and stuck out my hand in a very fast gesture, and opened all my fingers, and
in a voice sort of a mixture between Peter Lore and Lurch, I said: I... WILL... TAKE... YOUR... LITERATURE... AND... GIVE... IT... TO... MY... MASTER. The male one quickly handed me a copy of whatever rag they were peddling. they did not ask for a donation.They ran.It's a true story, and they never came back.
--A friend claims that when Jehovah's Witlesses knock on her door, her
first response is to ask for their address. When they ask why she wants to know, she says it is so she can visit them to push her beliefs. So far, none of them have given their address. It also marks the end of the interview.
SLAM!
--A guy goes up to my friend's friend and asks, "Can I talk to you about God?" She says, "Sure, what would you like to know?"
--JW ladies come to the door. One of them has small child in tow.
Interrupts SIW's dinner. If you knew SIW like I knew SIW, you wouldn't
do that.
SIW: Thank you, but I already have a religion. JW: May I ask what it is?
SIW: I'd really rather not say. {Pregnant pause} I'm not sure if it's
legal in this country. Supposedly they gave her a real strange look on their way back down the stairs.
--I answer the door with a bloody knife and say, "I'm sorry, could you
come back in a half hour? We're not done with the virgin yet."

from http://www.keegan.org/jeff/humor/index.html
-dan

27

Any Chess Players in here?

by jelly in

jw
friends

hello,.

any chess players in here, and if so how about a match on yahoo?.

jelly

bboyneko 2

Moe, you play online games too????

-Dan, who has big googley heart-shaped eyes now

5

i was watching tv last night and on tvland (a cable channel that shows older tv shows from the 50's onward) they had some drama about this little boy who gets edison's disease.. his mom is in a cult called satan fighters.

now here's an interesting beleif system, is it based on a real cult?.

they beleive when someone gets deathly ill, they are 'angel possesed' and that the angel is possessing the poor person to take him to heaven.

bboyneko 2

Speaking of Porn, anyone see the new fisher price toys called RESCUE HEROES? THey are a line of action figures themed after civil servants, like firemen and police officers..here is sampling of some of the names:

[*]Billy Blazes

[*]Jack Hammer

[*]Wendy Waters

[*]Rocky Canyon

-Dan

15

Parasites

by philo in

jw
friends

i have just listened to a radio programme on the bbc about parasites, which it made my flesh crawl.. imagine a parasite that invades an ant, but which does more than feed from its bodily nutrients, it interferes the ants nervous system.

it does this to cripple the ant.

it must infect a bigger animal, a grazing herbivore, and for this, it must disable its host above ground during the warmth of the day.

bboyneko 2

Um, NO. Could you post the QFR that forbid the use of leeches? Unless you are shitting me, which I would beleive except for the WBTS track record of making wacky rulings.

WATCHTOWER 10/15/81 Fertilizer with blood meal is forbidden

WACHTOWER June 15, 1982 p.31

Would it be wrong for a Christian, under medical treatment, to allow leeches to be applied to him to draw off blood?

quote:"even where this was urged for medical reasons and the leeches would be disposed of, the use of leeches would involve deliberately feeding blood to these creatures. That would conflict with the Bible's indication that blood, being sacred and representing life should be disposed of if it's removed from the body."

3

Look at what I found

by ChuckD in

jw
friends

i saw this letter in the dumpster behind the local kingdom hall.

any idea what it may mean?.

dear brothers,.

bboyneko 2

know some apostates apparently have a penchant for sifting through the garbage they throw out at Bethel, looking for empty liquor bottles and used condoms, that kind of thing.

Hmmm..I dont think you need apostates to generate that kind of trash at bethel....

5

Jesus' Real last words?

by bboyneko 2 in

jw
friends

i found some interesting stuff as to the last words of jesus.

it is widely accepted that the gospels all used a lost refference book that contained only the sayings of jesus.

it is called the gospel of q i beleive.

bboyneko 2

I found some interesting stuff as to the last words of Jesus. It is widely accepted that the Gospels all used a lost refference book that contained only the sayings of Jesus. It is called the Gospel of Q I beleive. So it's cool that a direct exact quote in his own language was used. (from ym understanding Jesus spoke mainly aramaic right?)

Mark 15:34, Jesus utters his last words: ’eloi, ’eloi, lama sabachthani. It is, in fact, an attempt to quote in Hebrew the first line of Psalm 22. In fails, however, in two ways. First, ’eloi is neither good Hebrew nor Aramaic. Rather it is a conflation of ’eli (the correct form from Ps 22:1) and ’elohi, a second form to express "my God." Apparently, due to his closeness to death, Jesus was unable to remember the form found in the psalm. His failing memory is also shown by the last word, sabachthani, which is not Hebrew at all but rather Aramaic, his own vernacular. These linguistic irregularities provide strong evidence that we are dealing with the authentic words of a dying Jesus rather than the work of a latter scribe who would merely have to copy the form from an original to get it right. These are the authentic dying words of Jesus.

My last words will probably be: 'Yeah man bring it on, I can take all 50 of you girls at the same time I am the pleasure machine'

okay well, maybe thats how i'd like to go out
-dan

15

Parasites

by philo in

jw
friends

i have just listened to a radio programme on the bbc about parasites, which it made my flesh crawl.. imagine a parasite that invades an ant, but which does more than feed from its bodily nutrients, it interferes the ants nervous system.

it does this to cripple the ant.

it must infect a bigger animal, a grazing herbivore, and for this, it must disable its host above ground during the warmth of the day.

bboyneko 2

Hey guys speaking of gross squirmy things check this out:

MEDICAL MAGGOTS
"Ah, dear Juliet, why art thou still so fair? Shall I believe that insubstantial Death is amorous, And that the lean abhorred monster keeps thee here in dark To be his paramour? For fear of that I still will stay with thee, And never from this palace of dim night depart again. Here, here will I remain With worms that are thy chambermaids." -- Romeo and Juliet
"Never laugh when a hearse goes by 'cause you could be the next to die. They wrap you up in a big white sheet And bury you down about six feet deep. The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out, The worms play pinochle on your snout. They eat your eyes, they eat your nose, They eat the jelly between your toes." -- from an old children's ballad
Death and maggots. From the time we are children, we learn that the two are inextricably linked. We find dead animals in the woods or at the side of the road, and are totally grossed out to see worms squirming in their decaying flesh. No wonder just the thought of maggots makes us all shudder!
So imagine this lovely scenario: You are a patient in the hospital, suffering from an open leg wound that is not healing. One morning your doctor walks in and announces he has your new treatment. He opens a vial and sprinkles this "new" treatment into your wound. And out plop ... maggots?
Nope, it's not your worst nightmare. And if you can stand the thought of worms feeding on your flesh, those maggots may be just what you need.
Maggot debridement therapy (MDT) is not a new thing. It was used by Napoleon's battlefield doctors. During the American Civil War, a Confederate medical officer named Joseph Jones noted: "I have frequently seen neglected wounds ... filled with maggots...as far as my experience extends, these worms only destroy dead tissues, and do not injure specifically the well parts."
And J.F. Zacharias, a Confederate army surgeon, wrote: "I first used maggots to remove the decayed tissue in hospital gangrene and with eminent satisfaction. In a single day, they would clean a wound much better than any agents we had at our command. I used them afterwards at various places. I am sure I saved many lives by their use, escaped septicemia (systemic infection), and had rapid recoveries."
Over fifty years later, during the first world war, an American orthopedic doctor working in France found that two wounded soldiers who had lain on the battlefield for a week had abdominal wounds swarming with maggots -- wounds that had begun to heal without evidence of infection.
Years later at John Hopkis Medical School, recalling his wartime experience, he used maggot therapy and found that his patients' wounds healed much more quickly. During the 1930's, maggots were used routinely in hundreds of North American hospitals for deep tissue infections. But in the 1940's, their use dropped out of favor with the emergence of antibiotics. Only recently, as bacteria have developed resistance to many antibiotics, has maggot therapy come back into use as an adjunct therapy for wound healing.
Maggots, which are the larval stage of flies, work their magic by feeding on decaying tissue. They have a pair of mandibles or hooks, which they attach to the tissue, and use these hooks to scrape off dead membranes. This is, in fact, precisely what "surgical debridement" means: "the removal of foreign matter and dead tissue from a wound." The maggots simply do the surgeon's work on a microscopic level.
They secrete protein-digesting enzymes, which cause the dead tissue to liquefy, and the wriggling movements of the maggots may somehow stimulate wound healing. Maggots do not damage healthy living tissue. THE MARVELOUS MAGGOT The maggots that doctors use for wound debridement are the larvae of green blowflies. Within 12-24 hours after the blow fly lays its eggs, baby maggots hatch. They start off tiny, only 1 mm long, but over the next 5 days, as they feed, they plump up to 10 mm long. At this point they stop eating, and transform into tough-skinned pupae. For the next seven days (or longer, depending on air temperature) they metamorphose into adult blow flies, and finally emerge by rupturing through their pupal skin.
Doctors use maggots at their tiniest stage, soon after they have hatched from their eggs. The number of larvae used depends on the size of the wound. An injured finger tip may need only 5 maggots; a deep wound may need 500. After introducing the maggots to the wound, a piece of netting is laid on top to hold them in place. They feed for three days until they're gorged and plump and juicy from eating dead human flesh. Then they're removed.
(Have I whetted your appetite?)
So how does a doctor order up a batch of maggots? Does he just pick up the phone and call for a shipment?
Well actually... yes.
The world's leading authority on maggot therapy, Dr. Ronald Sherman from the University of California, Irvine, is also a maggot breeder and supplier for doctors around the world, and the only source of medical maggots in the U.S. He collects maggot eggs before they hatch, uses a solution of sodium hypochlorite to prevent them from changing into flies, and stores them in sterile containers until they hatch. The maggots are then disinfected and shipped overnight in sterile containers. (Hmmm. Makes ya think twice about ordering a ham through FedEx, doesn't it?) Dr. Sherman ships about 5-10 vials every week to doctors in the U.S. and Canada, and in one year alone, he shipped 3,000 vials to the U.K.
The major problem with maggot therapy? That "tickling" sensation of having them squirming in your wound. The literature also mentions that "some patients may find the presence of maggots in their wounds to be unacceptable."
Well, duh.
OF MAGGOTS AND MURDER The little critters may also be saving lives in the field of criminal investigation. In a June 6, 2000 story from Associated Press, it was reported that a man who has spent seven years on death row, and who was scheduled for execution on June 28, 2000, may be exonerated thanks to maggot evidence.
Anthony M. Spears was convicted of fatally shooting a woman outside Mesa, Arizona. He insists he's innocent of the murder of Jeanette Beaulieu, whose body was found on January 19, infested with maggots.
David Faulkner, head of the entomology department at the San Diego Natural History Museum examined the maggots and concluded that, based on their larval development, the victim died no earlier than January 9.
Anthony Spears left Arizona and was home in California on January 4.
The forensic entomology evidence was strong enough to make the forewoman of the jury that convicted Spears recant her guilty vote and claim that fellow jurors had bullied her.
At last report, Mr. Spears is still appealing his conviction.
***************************************************************
MORE CREEPY FACTS Take Two Worms and Call Me In the Morning
Immunoparasitologist Joel Weinstock of the University of Iowa has discovered a revolutionary new treatment for inflammatory bowel diseases such as ulcerative colitis. He has his patients swallow worm eggs.
Dr. Weinstock noted that people who live in third-world countries with unclean water sources often are hosts to parasitic worms in their intestines. But in such countries, ulcerative colitis is extremely rare. Putting two and two together, he wondered: could parasitic infections be protective against such inflammatory diseases?
He tested his hypothesis on six patients with inflammatory bowel disease by asking them to ingest worm eggs. Five of the six went into complete remission, and the sixth showed significant improvement.
The worms may work by inhibiting the body's immune system, preventing it from attacking not only the worms, but also the host's own healthy tissue. As Dr. Weinstock noted, parasitic worms have been a part of the human organism throughout most of man's history, and perhaps we have come to rely on each other for optimum health. Because of the cleanliness of modern society, we are no longer hosts to parasitic worms. The result? We are now suffering from diseases seldom seen in more unhygienic times.
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Remember the Questions from Readers that forbade using leeches to help with medical problems (swelling) because it is sinful to feed blood to animals, even those who were designed only to eat blood?

I can just see it now: Questions from Readers: What about the Medicinal use of leeches and intestinal parasites?

5

How the Grinch stole innocense

by bboyneko 2 in

jw
friends

found this at greatcrowd.com.

[quote]my four year old zach, loves saying the prayer at night.

i would have to help him along and he would copy me.

bboyneko 2

Found this at greatcrowd.com

[quote]My four year old Zach, loves saying the prayer at night. I would have to help him along and he would copy me. About a week ago, he was copying me but then he said he wanted to say his own words. He said, Help me to have good dreams and sorry when we are bad and sorry for watching the grinch movie.. I was very quite because I knew he had not seen that movie.I questioned him and he says he saw it on tv. All I can think of is a commercial about the movie or another show with the grinch on it. I, so called, preached so much about not watching certain things on tv or the movies. He was sorry he had seen it. Both my children ask questions like Can Jehovah see us in our house or Can he hear what you think. It made me feel good they are conscience of their dealings. Zach has said sorry for two weeks now. I am very proud of my children.
lol
Jody [/qoute]
Dr. Suess is satan......

6

Here Is The Power.

by Englishman in

jw
friends

some months ago, an acupuncturist friend of mine lent me a tape that, he said, would change my life.

it is called: .

the power of ah!

bboyneko 2

By the power of greyskull..I...am...AHHH-MAN!